HEALTH IN FOCUS: Aging in America Ain’t Pretty

By Alicia Benjamin, Social Media Manager

This morning, I found yet another gray hair. I can still remember how I felt when I discovered my very first, like it singed my fingers with its alien concept: aging is inevitable. I was in my twenties.

Today I looked at the tiny hair the same way I looked at my first: in a state of puzzlement. Maybe the light was playing tricks on me?

I’ll never forget my older sister’s joke, “Just wait until you turn 30. Your body falls apart.”

Well, I’m past 30. I do notice small changes. I’m not as resilient on little or no sleep. My hands more closely resemble my mother’s – the tendrils of veins an unexpected inheritance I’ve grown to appreciate. I’ve tossed out many a high heel in lieu of flat-bottomed comfort.

I love my TOMS.Getting older gives us the opportunity to grow into our own. I mean, do we forever want to be who we were at age nineteen? And kinks and aches aside, with aging comes wisdom. I can only hope to reach the day when I’ll be able to bounce my great-grandchild on my knee and tell him stories about what his great-granny accomplished in her life.  On a lighter note when I'm in my 70's, I may still be persnickety about Footloose being unnecessarily remade. C’mon, it’s Kevin Bacon! (He’s aged quite well, hasn’t he?)

Regardless of how I feel about my own grays, there’s no debating that we’re experiencing what’s known as “the graying of America.” Just four short years ago, nearly 108 million people in the U.S. were over the age of 45, comprising over 40% of the population at that time. By 2022, the population of 50- to 64-year-olds will grow by 50%, and the 65+ population will grow by 32%. Gray, as the saying goes, will be the new black.

Unfortunately, the concept of getting old in America has a lot of negative perceptions and connotations. There’s a tendency to deny the fact that we’ll all get older. Instead, we search for miracle tonics and spend more billions ($10B in 2009!) on plastic surgery. Even researchers are trying to find a drug that will slow down the aging process.

According to one semi-recent Aveeno study, women aged 45 and older are increasingly likely to say that they feel "less beautiful" with the ticking of the clock. Less beautiful – despite what they may have accomplished or experienced in life. Nearly 60% of women admitted that the effects of aging have some level of importance in their lives, with nearly a quarter saying it's very important to them. So what are they most afraid of? Sagging skin, wrinkles, and gray hair.

Here I am (left) with my older and beautiful sister. I can attest to that. Finding another gray hair rooted me in the truth: I’m not getting any younger. Of course, this realization can take me down two different paths: panic or acceptance. I strive for the latter by acknowledging the value of the important lessons of my youth but also by knowing that there’s still so much of life in front of me.

No matter if you’re 30, 50, or 70, your body doesn’t have to fall apart. (Sorry, sis.) Nor does your view of yourself have to be less of anything. Why can’t it be more?

The Aveeno study focused solely on American women, but what about the women of the rest of the world? In many countries, the older generation is not judged by their looks or Medicare dependency. Instead, it’s about honor and legacy.

Elders in many other cultures are the most revered members of the family. They are both the heart and nucleus. They’re viewed as knowledgeable, experienced, and compassionate. For example:

• In American Indian families, the grandmother is the heart of the family; as she ages, the family cares for her in return for her years of devotion.
• Latino cultures hold their elders in high regard because of their inner strength. When they can no longer care for themselves, it is expected that their children will care for them.
• In the Japanese culture, age represents authority and wisdom, and elders act as family advisors.
• In India, the elders are figures of authority and control the wealth of the family.

Photo source: Talking Eyes Media

Americans can learn a lot from other cultures. Aging doesn’t mean you’ll become helpless or incompetent. How you view getting older is your choice, and to dread or resent aging is to set oneself up for a long walk of misery.  Not only that, older Americans who adopt stereotypical views of the elderly are more likely to fulfill them. More so, young people who stereotype the elderly may be at risk of heart disease many years down the road. 

Of course, embracing the idea of getting older may be easier said than done. Connie Goldman, author of The Ageless Spirit, has some advice for us: 

• Concentrate instead on what you gain, such as wisdom, patience, insight, and a slower pace.
• Celebrate the fact that you continue to grow. Growth is far more important than youth. (We don't look or think the same way we did when we were younger, nor should we.)
• Ask yourself, "Who am I now that I'm not who I was?" Quit living in the past and recognize the wonderful gift of reinvention. We should grow whole, not old.

In other words, we can’t stop the clock or nix achy knees altogether, but we can do something else: switch up our perspective. Goldman advises us to look at “youthing versus aging” and recognize the part we play in perpetuating the negative feelings people have about getting older. After all, only we can change our own perspective and, in turn, influence how others in our lives think about aging.

I hope by the time I’m pinching my great-grandchild’s cheeks and wearing out my Footloose DVD, we have created a new way to describe getting older. Let’s not call it aging anymore. Let’s call it living.